失望。

 

还能说什么？

 

真的对自己很失望。有打回原形了。

 

唯独可以说得 亲爱的自己 好好反省吧。

 

 

P.s: 心 对不起 一次又一次让你受伤了。

我们会更好的。

那粉尘离开我了，
排斥 接受 到治愈，
孤独的像遭到世界遗弃，
过程很无助 很挣扎。

重新开始认识自己，
唯有让心慢慢相信，
才能让时间说明，
我们都会更好的。

Source: A-Lin 《我们会更好的》





眼泪教会我们坚强。

不想掉的眼泪终于不听话了，

哭过以后 说完以后 心没那么闷着了，

是看开了吗？

我无法说完全是 但我真的比较好了，

学会了一样事情，

就是我的信任是需要有价值的，

不要把它随随便便给了任何人，

我不想再为了被背叛而再受到伤害。

 

 

我聪明了。

Sorry to myself, really sorry.

Recently been feeding myself with foods nonstop. After that day, I really trying my best to get rid of the feeling. Why am I feeling so hurt? These days I threw up all those motivation quotes in my mind, let my mind fill up with many stuff, busying in the office and pushing aside those thoughts about you and yeah...... I guess I failed to. I been really stressing up for unable to get rid of that feeling and in the same time, I realize I am losing my self challenging in me. I become unproductive at all and is been maintain for that long. My life seem so blurry, miserable and worst without direction.

I need find back myself but how? Which direction I shall go? Could I still able to face you? I know no one can help me find the answer except for myself. Please Jonna How Sui Ling, could you please bloody wake up?! (sighs......)

Because...

 

I just want to stay busy and occupy all my times with things.

 

And if possible, I do not feel like talking.

 

After all I am just tired.

你真的走了....我 一点都不难过。

 

原来一直以为可以很潇洒的离开 却发现心真的真的很痛。我真的很笨 因为我还是很想你！

Give up.

 

Came to realize not every effort you put will ever care by others as well,

 

Just like trying to maintain friendship,

 

One person putting effort and another one keep moving backward,

 

Such a pointless action isn't it?

 

Perhaps I am selfish and I admit I am,

 

I still caring you like a friend and that's why I am doing what I can to save our friendship.

 

But if that giving you some heartache, or even uncomfortable,

 

No worries I would stop doing so because I respect what you want.

 

 

P.s: If you appreciate enough our friendship, if you still remember your promise..which I guess everything had changed. Thanks for those memories. Ain't hard to forget me, isn't it? Then I choose to leave your world as how you want.

人都是矛盾。

因为我也是，
都在喜欢和不喜欢中间徘徊。

有人说 “喜欢是粉红色，而爱是紫色.”
那么我对你的感觉是那种颜色呢？

最近的你都是那么陌生，
还是我自己根本不懂你是怎样的一个人，
很想更了解你 可是又觉得不应该，
因为我真的怕在靠近你，
我就会离不开。

我懂你，
习惯我陪你聊天，
习惯我分享故事，
也习惯我说早安晚安，
可是这种习惯能维持多久呢？

我们的友情会不会超过了，
还是我们不应该再那么靠近了，
每次我做了决定，
你都好像预知得到，
然后关心说了一些弄到我开心的话。

现在的我又是不懂怎么做了，
我很想减少我们之间的话题，
也很想不要时常都回复你的信息，
可是心里还是那么执着那么不舍得。

我都是一个自找麻烦的人。

 

"Give up, just give up will ya?"

Highlight at Spaghetti Grill!

It always feel good when you being with people that you comfortable with and of course, nice FOOD. :)

Counting of 5 years' friendship and still goes on <3

Well recommend for tryout at here, but remember each main course are BIG portion enough to be share together (depends how many of people).

I had a great time hangout and of course, update some day routine life with her. Next meet up, hopefully will be with my another pretty dear. (: 

Last but not least, I love travel around. Near or far, as long I can feel some freedom...am satisfy for that. (:

Goodnight!!

分开以后，我们都会怎样了？

终于有时间给自己休息了，

今天的礼拜天有点阴，

是因为你吗？还是妈妈说了我不想听到的东西?

应该都有点影响我心情吧。

听着 “分开以后” 便在打着部落格，

其实有点想法想表达出来。

多少个情侣分开以后,

是残忍的完全没联络？ 还是某个对方还在乎？

或者还可以保持朋友的关系？

我只可以说每个人都有自己的选择包括我自己。

我，

对着被我伤害的你，

我是很希望能与你保持朋友的关系，

可是我不想勉强你，

只要你开心就好，

我也不想打扰你的世界，

只要有人在关心你，

我也会觉得很安慰。（或者你需要的不是这些）

而我，

对着伤害我的人，

我也希望我们的友情是一直继续着，

你还会是那位重要的人，

只是那个感觉不一样了，

看到你幸福 看到你开心，

我真的替你高兴也希望你们可以长久。

说完了，

最后还是觉得回忆很嚣张，

因为它可以让我们哭着哭着笑了，

也可以让我们笑着笑着哭了，

所以很喜欢这一句话 “往事不会说谎 别跟它为难”。

我们可以怀念那些回忆，可是要告诉自己 “再也回不去了”，

应该这样我们...我，自己可以一直走下去。

Le Gathering With Ex Colleagues!

Let the pictures summarize everything :

Surprisingly, I came to know that I am second youngest in the group! (teehee)

Well, we are all having different characteristics but able to gather together was one of the most happening moment in my life.

Because I never reject to stay close to anyone even for those I might knew for one day or so.

As long they value the friendship, well I am definitely ON!! (aww hyper agree)

Hope more gatherings to come, not only with them but also everybody I knew!! (peace)

不想知道。

最近很多事情，

都是不理不睬，

更不想知道。

是自己成熟了，

还是自己想通了，

或者看透了,

我自己也不知道。

或许是一件好事，

至少自己的心情不会被任何事情，

或者任何人被影响到，

有点喜欢这样的我。

每天那样笑着笑着像没肺的人也不错，至少自己也忘了什么是伤心。

Insomnia.

Hmm, ever wonder why people will be in such situation? Probably these are the cause:

• think too much
• sleep too much (on day/nap time)
• feel too much
• movie/drama marathon too much
• and blah blah blah.....

So, what cause me insomnia right now? Well, if you are clever enough in knowing me...the first point reason always be the cause. Yes, I do think too much. Let's come to the point, EVERYBODY does. (!!!!)

Then I will start finding things for myself to do so I could fall asleep soon. Here I come. Drop by here to pour out some crappish stuffs that bothering me. I conclude it in simple way, look below:

• mood swing for nothing
• hungry (wtf like again!)
• money
• my un-tick wishlist
• and....YOU!

Well, I know who cares? No even have eyes to look at myself. Perhaps I should try harder to make myself asleep and tomorrow will be better day, definitely will. 

P.s: Yes I am.

Note To Myself:

 

Well, it always take some times to stand back when each time I fall.

 

I can do it, include this time.

 

End of story.

 

 

P.s: "Don't live to just pleasing others, you need to please yourself too."

我迷路了。

最近觉得把自己丢失了，
好像自己的想法和感觉一直被某人影响，
那个问题 “他有那么重要吗？” 在我脑海中反反复复，
其实好像真的是又好像不是，
因为总觉得自己一直以来都是很容易受到影响。

喜欢或不喜欢，
其实不重要吧，
因为都知道不可能的事，
可是有放弃不了，
真是执著啊我。

人就是那么固执，
就是那么不爱自己吧。

我迷路了......在你的世界里面。

我喜欢你。

每当我们说一句 “我喜欢你”，

不一定能换回来一句 “我也喜欢你”。

越想离开 越发现感觉很强烈，

你的出现让我无法平静下来我的心跳，

很想问 你会不会和我一样吗？

哈哈 我想我真的无可救药了。

Goodbye June, Hi July!

Half year had gone so fast and I guess I am still wonder, wondering and so on. Like usual, month of June not welcome by me so much because I knew those memories will be back and haunt me. But honestly, this year ain't as painful as what I went through before and surprisingly I get rid it by doing nothing (like every year, I used to do hangout or doing something else). What does that mean? Am letting go? Or any explanation for that? Well, I just know I been stubborn to loose my wrist on those memories for all these years and stopping myself to believe that those beautiful memories will never awaken again.

Pathetic of me, I guess. For not loving so much all this while. Well, and so I decided to CHANGE. I am still myself, but am changing my perspective towards life and people around me. Maybe, maybe...is not too late to define who I want myself to be again and again. But for important, I am loving myself even more. Peace.

I told myself not to be afraid of change. Because if I do, I will still standing in the same spot where I don't know even where to move on. And foremost, I am still learning. Learning to be better me, not for anyone but for myself. So, am so welcoming July and the rest of the month will smile and laughter. That's my life's motivation - SMILE.

"Rather to let people seeing my smile and laughter, then letting them realizing tears are once there." 

It is all about journalism.

I wish every month or make it sound possible, every year I could go somewhere out from Malaysia to see the world out there. Meeting with different people, seeing the different things and learning the different cultures. It is my dream all this while. It is not I need a getaway because I am stress or whatsoever, the main reason because I do not want to be like a bird in the cage.

Holding a camera, taking photos and writing about all I see, hear and learn are all about my dream. A dream that seem so near yet so far to achieve. Within possible and impossible, there is hope. A hope that I hoping for, and I know for sure it will come true..one day.

That is me. A part that me that I could say no one know it or even understand it. The freedom I yearn for, the spirit on my dream and the hope I am wishing all days and nights. I wonder how many of them that will see through me. But for sure, I know that will be someone out there having the same dream as me. I trust.


The END.

05/05, my nation.

We ♥ love Malaysia,

To yearn for peace and harmony among religions,

To wants a better future for nation and also generations ahead,

But all hopes seem like too much to realize,

Too sadden D-day when cries and disappointment filled up,

We losing hope at the moment,

Feeling so helpless...

But I trust we never give up to stand up again and unite as one to fight for our nation. 

If you say you know me, I guess I will say not well..at all.

You may know my name, yeah you do,

You may know every detail, yeah I guess,

But never said you understand me, for I don'r reveal myself too much.